Brain Fertilizer

Folks, I'm mired in the doldrums. I haven't done a decent pun post in quite a while. I don't even get satisfaction making cheap shots at easy/deserving targets anymore.

I may recover soon, or I may not.

I do know that every other time I "quit", I ended up blogging again relatively soon, so I'm not going to make that mistake again. The longest absence resulted in email rants (that often crossed lines of politeness and/or good taste) to one friends, and spamming ZB with silly top-10 lists.

A few months ago I was quite excited about the blogosphere, and my place in it. After all, with all the others who have quit, I'm one of the older bloggers out there, closing in on my 3rd anniversary. I have name recognition. I'm positioned!*

But since then, I'm falling farther behind. The boosted interaction and traffic increases I hoped would arise from networking at RMBB never really materialized. I've also noticed how the people who are really doing the best at blogging are, more and more, people who already coming with journalistic experience.

Maybe part of my problem is I'm a Mil-blogger who rarely blogs about military experiences. I'm a pun-blogger who hasn't punned in weeks. I'm a gun-blogger who hasn't fired a firearm in over year (and left my guns on the mainland).

I used to fancy myself intelligent and capable. But I'm still blogging at 2002/3 levels of talent and ability, and it's obvious that the State of the Art has passed me by. I still have ideas and viewpoints worth sharing, and I will continue to do so. But it can be frustrating that I seem to be getting less and less attention from the Bigger Bloggers.

I know I'm not vapid, dull, or insipid...but yeah, the lack of attention sometimes causes me to feel that way.

In some ways, I think this angst is just me going through the process of realizing I'm probably not going to achieve another dream. I had to go through it as I realized I was never going to get around to trying to walk on to the college football (or minor football league) team as a running back or tight end. I had to face the fact that I was probably never going to be famous singer, songwriter, bassist, or guitarist...or even a non-famous professional. Now it seems like I just don't have the right combination of skill and drive to become a professional writer (i.e. paid to write anything). It's okay, I can live with that...but I don't have to enjoy that realization.

So I'm going to keep blogging, worry not (or worry more, perhaps). But there will be some changes around here. I may move off of mu.nu. I'm planning on asking someone to help me redesign my blog...which may necessitate a new blogging tool, which may encourage me to move off on my own. Anyway, I've got to find some way to refresh my enjoyment. I gotta blog, that's no doubt. I just want to make it a more pleasant experience for everyone involved.**

UPDATE: Looks like I'm not the only one. Luckily, I have a following for my KC Chiefs pieces to fall back on. I will be writing more about the Chiefs starting this weekend, when my time frees up again.

Bonus point: I think part of the problem is that lots of blogs have become "group blogs", so I'm not competing against just a single individual (to which my often-prodigious output looks semi-impressive), but against multiple people blogging on the same site...with a resultant broader range of perspective, experience, and an ability for each to blog less, with higher quality, and yet still have just as much new content on their site as I have to try to match alone. It exhausts one, I tell you. But in another few months, I'm sure I'll be back to my normal 5-6 decently-long posts per day. After I get past these doldrums, I mean.

*where?

**Yes, I know the easiest way to take a significant step in that direction would be to ban SaaM. But even retards should have a right to leave comments here.