Brain Fertilizer

The image of General George Washington crossing the Delaware is a common one to Americans. He certainly looks dashing in the prow of the boat in that famous painting, doesn't he?

We are told that it was the surprise crossing of troops that allowed Washington to capture a sizable and unsuspecting British force without firing a shot. Like many embellishments of history, that one is not quite true.

Here's what really happened. A Brain Fertilizer Exclusive History Lesson, if you will:

Washington had his troops marshalled and ready to cross the Delaware. At the last minute, a group of concerned citizens rushed up. "You can't go looking like that!" They exlaimed. "You look like a ragtag band of ragamuffins in all that wrinkled clothing!"

"But what can we do?" President Washington asked, perplexed. "We have depleted all our funds for uniforms. We have no choice but to attack with the condition of clothing we have right now."

But the civilians would not hear of it. "We'll do it for you gratis," they insisted.

The British were well-trained and battle-hardened. They would have been able to repel our troops easily...they saw them coming a mile away. But when they saw how crisp our uniforms were, and how shabby their own were...well, they were overcome with shame at their lack of discipline in grooming, and surrendered without firing a shot...

...and that's how our forefathers came to realize that a free press is vital to the well-being of the nation.