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March 16, 2005

History Lesson « Puns »

The image of General George Washington crossing the Delaware is a common one to Americans. He certainly looks dashing in the prow of the boat in that famous painting, doesn't he?

We are told that it was the surprise crossing of troops that allowed Washington to capture a sizable and unsuspecting British force without firing a shot. Like many embellishments of history, that one is not quite true.

Here's what really happened. A Brain Fertilizer Exclusive History Lesson, if you will:

Washington had his troops marshalled and ready to cross the Delaware. At the last minute, a group of concerned citizens rushed up. "You can't go looking like that!" They exlaimed. "You look like a ragtag band of ragamuffins in all that wrinkled clothing!"

"But what can we do?" President Washington asked, perplexed. "We have depleted all our funds for uniforms. We have no choice but to attack with the condition of clothing we have right now."

But the civilians would not hear of it. "We'll do it for you gratis," they insisted.

The British were well-trained and battle-hardened. They would have been able to repel our troops easily...they saw them coming a mile away. But when they saw how crisp our uniforms were, and how shabby their own were...well, they were overcome with shame at their lack of discipline in grooming, and surrendered without firing a shot...

...and that's how our forefathers came to realize that a free press is vital to the well-being of the nation.

Posted by Nathan at 11:28 AM | Comments (6)

Nothing we love more than a good smooth pun. Guess getting dressed up really put the starch back in 'em, huh? Or ironed out their problems, at least.

*angelic grin*

Posted by: Deb at March 16, 2005 07:35 PM

They really had the British hemmed in, I think.

The only worry, from what I've heard, is that they were patching and darning so fast they risked a stitch in the to speak.

Posted by: Nathan at March 16, 2005 07:43 PM

I guess you could say we, um, flat-out beat 'em.

Posted by: Nathan at March 16, 2005 07:44 PM

Such clean humor. And tailored to your audience. Once again I leave here reluctantly, as I have pressing business to attend to...

Posted by: Deb at March 17, 2005 07:25 PM

Irony. Love it.

Posted by: McGehee at April 15, 2005 06:45 PM

I hate you all, go suck off a donkey's nut.

Posted by: fag at June 7, 2005 03:20 PM
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