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February 04, 2005

Musings (UPDATED) « Rhetorical Questions »

If I could meet an earlier self, the 18-year-old romantic with starry eyes and star-crossed soul, what could I tell me about life and love?

I would tell me that my view of love is wrong. That, yes, love is created through deliberate effort and caring and placing others' needs above your own; but you need something to work with, and sexual attraction is not enough.

I would tell me to take more time before making any decisions. Anyone is nice and caring when the love is new, for a short time. But the true person shows in glimpses and moments over long periods of time.

I would tell me to pay most attention to character. Someone who loves attention and parties and fun isn't someone to build a quiet life with. Someone who lies to their parents to avoid trouble will lie to you.

I would tell me that although I can talk myself out of trouble with facile words, it is better to admit error and apologize. Anyone who can't understand doesn't match with you; anyone who won't try to understand doesn't love you; and anyone who won't forgive isn't worth spending time with. To avoid finding this out after a serious commitment, revisit the second point once again.

I would tell me that it is better to have the right person than to have a person, and so by corollary it is better to remain alone than have the wrong person.

Would I listen?

UPDATE:
Another take on much the same topic.

Posted by Nathan at 07:26 AM | Comments (5)
Comments

We all are blessed (?) with 20/20 hindsight. And there is an army of lawyers out there who can back that up. If you have the clarity of vision to understand life's lessons then maybe (assuming you have children and eventually grand children) is to do you best to pass that knowledge/wisdom on down the line. Tis no sin to make mistakes if ya learn from it. It is a sin to knowingly keep the lessons to yourself.

Posted by: Guy S. at February 4, 2005 07:47 AM

My advice to myself would be the exact opposite. Throw caution to the wind a little more often. Mostly, though, enjoy it while it's happening. Oh, and I'd try to let myself know that the first girls I will want to marry I'll be glad I didn't...

Posted by: R. Alex at February 4, 2005 08:59 AM

I linked to this post, but couldn't trackback for some reason. Anyway, well-said. I wasn't well-known for listening when I was 18, however, so I'm pretty sure you could've talked 'til you were blue in the face and not gotten through to me. Actually, I'm still not known for listening. But I appreciate your clear hindsight, and I've passed it along.

Posted by: IowaSoccerMom at February 4, 2005 12:25 PM

I don't believe that our 18-year-old selves would listen any more than our children will listen when we tell them about our personal experiences about young love. This is one of the hardest lessons I am learning with my teenagers. I can tell them that I understand and that I have been there, but more often than not, "it's not the same" and they have to make their own mistakes. You have to just be there and love them when/if the hurt happens.

Posted by: ReaderMom at February 4, 2005 11:18 PM

Thank you my friend for thinking highly enough of my scribblings to see fit to link to same. May your journey through life be on clamer waters as it continues on.

Guy

Posted by: Guy S at February 5, 2005 12:49 PM
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