Brain Fertilizer

Scene: Four guys sitting around a table, with plenty of Stroh's or Shiner Bock in frosty beer mugs, half-finished Texas brisket on various plates, Texas flags festooned around the room.

The leader/spokesperson speaks: "Okay, Bushfans. Who would win in a contest between Bush and Kerry-Edwards?"

Guy 1: "Da Bush! 68% of the popular vote and all but 43 electoral votes."
Guy 2: "Da Bush! 92% of the popular vote and all but 12 electoral votes."
Guy 3: "Da Bush! 102% of the popular vote and 3 extra electoral votes when Mexico volunteers to become part of the United States."

Spokesperson: "I agree. Da Bush!" All participants raise a beer mug and echo, "Da Bush!"
Spokesperson: "Next up: Bush vs. Godzilla? Who would win?"

Guy 1: "Da Bush! But it would be close 51% of the popular vote and all but 100 electoral votes."
Guy 2: "Da Bush! But the Japanese immigrant vote might make it close. Bush wins 60% of the popular vote and all but 40 electoral votes."
Guy 3: "Da Bush! 109% of the popular vote and 300 extra electoral votes when Taiwan joins in out of fear of China invading."

Spokesperson: "I agree. Da Bush!" All participants raise a beer mug and echo, "Da Bush!"
Spokesperson: "Okay, Bush vs. all the dictator-coddling UN delegates. Who would win?" Guy 2 stands up and begins pounding his chest. "Uh-oh, it seems one of our Bushfans has decided to show his loyalty to BushVeep Cheney and have a massive heart attack. That's all for today folks, until after the triple-bypass surgery is effectively completed! Da Bush!"

All three guys echo: "Da Bush!"