Brain Fertilizer: Two Guidelines for a Better Life

June 13, 2004

Two Guidelines for a Better Life « Social Issues »

After watching (because of nothing better to do) yet another investigative report looking into the mysterious death of the mistress of a married man, it struck me that much pain in our society could be avoided if women merely followed two guidelines rigorously:

1) Do not ever date a married man.
=>1a) If you are already dating and find out he is married, dump him immediately.

2) Make it absolutely clear that if he cheats on you, you will absolutely dump him. Remind him of this regularly (once a year or so?).

Interestingly, I couldn't think of such a simple guideline for males. About the best I could come up with was:

1) If you have fame, wealth, or authority, there is only a 2% chance she actually cares about you.

But most guys probably don't care. So I'm left with:

1) Don't cheat on the woman you love. Ever.
=>1a) avoid situations in which a minor lapse could result in you cheating on the woman you love.

Any other suggestions?

Posted by Nathan at 09:55 AM | Comments (4)

Comments

Well, Nathan, I am curious, do you dump the guy for cheating on you while you are dating or after you are married? I would be willing to forgive and work through one time, but don't think my heart could take repetitive occurences.

And, if I were wealthy, I would pretend not to be so that I could pleasantly surprise the one truly in love with me (feighn modest income is the ebst way to gather a person who truly loves you and not your money laden wallet).

Posted by: Rae at June 13, 2004 10:31 AM

Well, if the guideline that the punishment for infidelity is that the relationship is over, you can always decide to be more lenient if the circumstance warrants it.

Hmm...maybe I should another caveat to that:
1b) Make sure that kicking him out will be a punishment and not a relief! [grin]

Posted by: nathan at June 13, 2004 10:33 AM

Two other points I'd like to add to the above in response to Rae.

First, the point is to teach men from the very start, so it becomes a part of life in the same way that "you don't hit girls" is. The only way these guidelines would really make any difference in society/life is if everyone would follow them. Otherwise, you are just trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon.

Second, even if you decide it's a good guideline for your relationship, I do think how you discover the infidelity is a huge part of it. If you discover the infidelity, there will tears, apologies, vows, right? Don't forget, if you hadn't caught him, he wouldn't have stopped, at least not at that point. But if he comes to you and says, "I've been unfaithful, I will take any punishment you choose, it will never happen again, and I recognize that I must avoid even the appearance of impropriety from here on out because I've at least temporarily lost your trust," that's quite a bit different, isn't it?

Posted by: Nathan at June 13, 2004 10:28 PM

I got one for both sides:
Don't start something you can't finish.
No, this isn't spam for sexual dysfunction, but if you are not going to do the right thing, and stay with this person the rest of your life, then why are you starting?

Of course, I'm a jaded, terminally-single geek in the desert...

Posted by: Jeremy at June 14, 2004 09:45 AM

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